USA Dance (Berkshire County) Chapter #3045

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Amazing Medical Breakthrough Announced! Dramatic Cure for Mysteriously Debilitating Condition!

Amazing Medical Breakthrough Announced! Dramatic Cure for Mysteriously Debilitating Condition!

Researchers at USA Dance, in Pittsfield, Massachusetts today announced the successful completion of tests on a new treatment for that mysteriously debilitating condition known as "Two Left Feet." Review of the tests by the FDA (Federal Dance Administration) reveal that this new method is 120% effective in clinical trials.

"Two left feet" has most commonly been encountered in males, manifesting itself when they are asked about dancing, although it is also known to afflict women. The most common symptom of this ailment is the victim saying "I can't dance --- I have two left feet."

Tests, until now kept tightly under wraps, show that after just one night of swing, fox trot or rumba, at the third Saturday of the month dance, Masonic Temple, Pittsfield, all symptoms of "two left feet" disappear. This condition is frequently replaced with:

"Wow, that was fun, let's do it again."
"Gee, I didn't know dancing was so easy."
"What a nice way to meet new people."

The studies reveal that once the treatment is applied the symptoms never recur. Dancers report repeated instances of smiling and feeling happy, much livelier social lives, and a dramatically improved sense of well-being from the vigorous (but gentle) exercise provided by dancing.

Those taking the treatment for extended periods have been observed dancing in their living rooms when they think no one is watching, and showing off their dance steps at friends' weddings.

Studies have also shown that additional benefits include elimination of complaints about "nothing to do" and disappearance of the words "there is no place around here to meet anyone nice" and "how come you never take me anywhere romantic."

The tests have been conducted at each dance since May 2006, with lessons from 7 to 7:45 PM, and open ballroom dancing from 7:45 to 11:00 PM. Treatment is $9.00 for members of USA Dance, and $13.00 for non- members. Unfortunately, this is not covered by most medical insurers. The treatment center, Masonic Hall Ballroom, is located at 116 South Street, Pittsfield. Bob Romeo, President can be reached at (

Experts caution that left untreated, "Two left feet" can lead to uncontrolled bouts of television watching, whining and aimless mall shopping. It may even cause those experiencing this ailment to fall victim to the dreaded condition, "couch potato." Experts advise immediate treatment.